UK at a Glance
by Miles O'Neal, Jetlag, Ltd.
I have been to the UK twice, both times part business,
part vacation. I'm certainly not an expert. This is
what things look like to me. I've traveled moderately
throughout England and Scotland.
The UK at a Glance
- drive on the left-hand side of the road (probably the
real reason the chunnel will not be open for driving
through - imagine the mess at the ends!).
- let the royalty live in something called "The Buckhouse".
- can not prepare beef
- can not even raise beef
- if they could raise beef, they would probably end up killing
it with something nasty with a stupid, Pythonesque name like "Mad Cow
- are usually courteous to a fault
- don't say the 'B' word (hint: 6 letters, means "covered
with blood") as frequently as in movies - social-impactwise,
it's the equivalent of using the 'F' word in the USA.
- speak English, which is rather different from the
language spoken by the chaps across the pond, nevermind
other countries such as Texas.
- love roundabouts (traffic circles) which, in addition
to often being more efficient than traffic lights or
simple stops, are also jolly good fun!
- think 80 degrees Farenheit is an insufferable heat wave.
- do many things the same way they have done them for centuries,
regardless of progress.
- do most everything else in a manner as different as
possible from the rest of the world (not unlike the French).
- are horrified at the prospect of a 5 hour drive, which
in the USA is just when you feel you are starting to go
- serve beer at all meals (including breakfast) except tea.
- think "boot" and "bonnet" are parts of an auto.
- have finally learned to make coffee.
- have lots and lots of telly that is as bad as anything
in the USA, just in a stuffier/bawdier manner.
- hate the EEC almost as much as they hated Hitler. 
- eat every part of an animal except the skeleton, and I
believe in rare cases, the uvula.
- still use a monetary system devised by bored, demented
children for the sole purpose of writing silly songs and
nursery rhymes about it.
- don't (as a rule) believe in showers.
 Which, given that the EEC spends millions of monetary
units on such things as defining a "standard" carrot, and
the penalties for calling anything outside those narrow
parameters a carrot, while ignoring the really important
issues, such as the plethora of national currencies, is
Last updated: 16 July 1997
Copyright 1994, 1997 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved.
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