The English & Bathing

When I was in the UK the 1st time, they told me I got the better company flat, even though it didn't look as nice, because it came with a shower. [3] [5]

Sho [7] 'nuf, there was this blue hose stuck on the end of the bathtub [11] spigot [13] with a fake, rubber shower head on the end. There was no shower curtain, as the hose was only about .67 meters long. Very nice for shampooing hair - as long as it isn't the hair at the normally up end of your corporeal entity. [17]

Which explains why some of the British are a bit crusty, stiff, and aloof. The former two are results of not bathing, but rather soaking, and the latter a direct result of the survival instinct - on an island nation, the ``fight or flight'' instinct aroused by a bathless society would devastate the population in no time.

[3] It also had all the appliances - except an alarm clock or hair dryer. And the master switch for the kitchen outlets was hidden inside the garbage disposal [19] or somewhere else absurd.
[5] A coworker who was there an extended length of time finally had her daddy send her the correct plumbing, and paid the Queen's plumber to install it on his own time (which would apparently have got them both sent through traitor's gate, had it been discovered then.)
[7] Trademark, Kawumoto Corporation, purveyors of useless lunch information.
[11] I've forgotten what this footnote was for. Perhaps it was about bathtubs. They certainly do understand bathtubs, the smallest I've seen being larger than some efficiency apartments in the USA.
[13] I'm a footnote virus. We are an endangered species. Please help!
[17] If you get my drift.
[19] They don't have them. Except goats.

Last updated: 27 June 1996
Copyright 1994, 1995 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved. Free redistribution of this article is allowed so long as this copyright and the author's name are attached, but all other uses require the author's permission.
Miles O'Neal <> [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] c/o RNN / 1705 Oak Forest Dr / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514