Ever get tired of whatever language you program in, or interface with your computer in?

Ever get tired of all the hype about languages?

Ever get tired of the industry's announcing Yet Another Language just about every day?

Us, too! So we developed our own!

RCL (Roadkill Command Language) will replace every other language you use, no matter how old or new, no matter how esoteric or common, no matter how brilliant or brain dead.

A Brief History of Thyme

After inhaling a few too many fumes in the ARL (Aging Roadkill Lab) while working on ways to speed up the "ripening process" of too fresh roadkill, a couple of our people had to be rushed to RRU's P. D. Anderson Medical Clinic for emergency treatment. While undergoing emergency brain cell regeneration, Vice President Suzi Stryrofoam went into a deep coma. When she recovered several days later, she immediately sat down and wrote the specifications for RCL, based on what she called "a four day long, non-stop, violent nightmare of epic proportions, experienced during my coma". The internal code name for this project, generated by our random code name generator (which runs on a dedicated, Sinclair ZX-80 server), wa "Thyme".

Stealth Roadkill Technology

The initial design for Thyme called for a simple implementation, based on a top down, single pass, LALR, LIFO, Groacian grammar compiler, was turned into reality in three days. It ran like a scalded rabbit with a JATO pack, in only 12KB of memory, compiling 12,378 lines of code per second (LCPS) on an old Dell 25MHz 386 box, which was later determined to be powered off during the tests. No other language compiles this quickly, in this little RAM, on a non-functioning system!

But we wanted more - we wanted to be able to easily convert every program ever written into RCL code - automatically. As a result, we now use a table-driven parser, and a twelve step compiler (based on licensed AA technology), which will optimize and translate every known computer language, optimize, save and compile the RCL into assembler, optimize and assemble that, and link the object code into a runtime executable.

The astute among you will notice that we have listed less than twelve steps. That's because the others are secret. But we will confess that some of them are involved in cross-assembling, cross-linking, and cross-dressing, so that Thyme can produce executables to run on any hardware, under any OS. Period.

Details, Details

Here are just a few of the languages RCL can translate and compile:
ALGOL 60, awk, Basic, C, csh, C++, CP/M, COBOL, DOS, Etruscan, FORTRAN, Guile, HTML, I, Java, JCL, Klingon, L, MIXAL, Money, MUMPS, NOS, Norwegian, Objective C, OS/32, Pascal, QWERTY, REXX, Subjective C, Texan, Urdu, VisiCALC, WUSS, X10 and X11, Ynot, and zsh.

We wanted RCL to have the best of all worlds, so we raided all those other languages for features. Here are just a few of the many, many features of RCL and their origins:

  REM - remark (stolen from Bill Gates's personal copy of Basic)
  mod - modulo arithmetic (stolen from FORTRAN)
  **  - raise to the power of (stolen from MIT's NatzohTinyPascal)
  ^   - ex-or (stolen from EE Digital Logic 1010 in a Georgia Tech lab)
  HCF - stolen from UMAL (Universal Microprocessor Assembly Language)
  ::: - swiped from Subjective-C


We want to rule the world with this, so we looked at how other successful languages were priced. The most profitable ones all work pretty much the same way, so we stuck with that. It's a complex scheme, but here's the gist of it.
  1. We work to get it bundled into the most common operating systems for free.
  2. We offer free technical support, unlimited copies, etc.
  3. We start a standards process.
  4. We add a bunch of new features, and send Beta copies to a gazillion people.
  5. We let the beta last for about two years, or until we are certain that over half the code in existence includes the new features of RCL 2.0 .
  6. We terminate the Beta with extreme prejudice, and announce an exhorbitant, or even extortionate, pricing model, most likely the following:
        Personal Edition (single user, single CPU):     $499US
        Professional Edition (single user, single CPU): $999US
        Professional Five Pack:                         $2,490US
        Floating License (single user, multiple CPUs):  $1,499US
        Site License (multiple users, single CPU):      $399US/user
        Unlimited License (multiple users, many CPUs):  $10,000,000US
  7. Repeat as necessary.


We examined a variety of distribution schemes, and most of them, quite frankly, suck raw eggs through a tiny little straw. we have developed a bold, new approach, utilizing proven technologies from other arenas: This is how Micro$oft does it. This is how UNIX was handled. It will be wonderful! You will use RCL!


Last updated: 25 October 2001
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