One Hour, One Chord Guitar MethodYou may not believe this, but I will teach you how to play all sorts of songs using the "one chord" method, in just one hour! Amaze your friends! Impress your family! Crush your enemies! Disturb your neighbors!
Yes, like you, I used to be guitar-challenged. When we'd be at the beach, some guy would whip out a guitar, and start playing folk songs, old Johnny Cash, and Metallica, and in no time at all all the girls would be with him!
Oh, we tried the usual things - kicking sand in his face, showing off our muscles, making noises with our hands under our armpits... Once we were going to beat him up, but the girls wouldn't let us near the creep!
Finally, one day in desperation, I asked if I could play his guitar. Of course, I couldn't play any guitar, but he didn't know that. He handed me his Dad's pre-war Martin, and I smashed it over a rock. He just whipped out a travel guitar. I busted that, too. He then pulled out a Strat and an old tube amp with a two wire cord, plugged it in, and threatened to electrocute us all with the "death cap"! He won, as usual.
Back home, alone, crying in the dark where nobody could see me, it came to me - I needed to learn to play the guitar! What a revelation. I knew this would change my life. But how?
First I bought a Strat and an old tube amp, and a pre-war Martin, and a travel guitar, and spent hours and hours, days and weeks, months and years, wood-shedding. That's right, trying to learn guitar in the woodshed.
After all those years, though, I still couldn't play a single song. I couldn't even play the intro to "Smoke on the Water"! Termites ate my Martin. Carpenter ants got the travel guitar. A freak thunderstorm destroyed the amp and Strat and killed me (twice) but my little brother, dancing for joy on my chest at the thought of having our room to himself, saved me (twice).
I sold him to some gypsies for a guitar.
And one of the gypsies taught me a secret gypsy guitar method. Yes, in only ONE HOUR I learned to play DOZENS OF SONGS!
The next day I went back to the beach. I took my guitar, and challenged the other guy to a "Battle of the Beach Bums". I'd play a song, he'd play a song, I'd play one, he'd play one, whoever ran out of songs first lost. It took hours, but of course I eventually won.
Why? BECAUSE FOR HIM TO FIGURE OUT A NEW SONG HE HAD TO FIGURE OUT ALL THE CHORDS! While I only had to know ONE CHORD.
For $19.95US I will teach you how to play that chord. For only $9.95US more, I'll teach you a dozen songs that use that chord. For only $15.95US a month, I'll send you a CD and booklet every month with at least a dozen more songs using THAT SAME CHORD! (S&H included.)
To get started, send me a personal check or money order (no cash) for the following amount[s]:$19.95 - basic one chord guitar method $29.90 - above plus one dozen songs $36.85 - above plus first month's installment on Monthly Songs ClubSend it to:Scams-R-Us 1705 Oak Forest Round Rock, TX 78681-1514 USAIf you are not COMPLETELY HAPPY, I promise to send you a full refund!
Offer void where prohibited by law. Buyer responsible for all taxes and fees. No other warranties implied or expressed. Texas residents must show provide Concealed Guitar License number.
 Less a token 50% handling fee
Last updated: 16 March 2007
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Copyright Y2K Roadkills-R-Us, Austin, TX. All rights preserved, jellied, or jammed.Miles O'Neal <email@example.com>
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