The New Acura Gravid

I'm appalled at the direction new Japanese cars are taking. Used to be only Saabs looked like pregnant roller skates. But there's that new Acura. You know, the one with the four tiny, 1/2" diameter headlights, and the huge rear end?

Looks preggers - and it's not becoming.

Don't get me wrong. Pregnant women are beautiful. They "glow" as the saying goes. You take any woman who's the least bit happy about being pregnant into a room of cadavers, and within seconds:

In short, a few pregnant women could turn the undertaking business on its head.

But this beauty, or at least its perception, pertains only to the human species.

Pregnant cats look rather revolting. Dogs dragging their tummies cry out to be banished from sight forever. Horses look distressed, cows look faintly sick, and whales like they need a trip back to the factory for more hydrodynamic lines.

So what has Acura given us? The new Acura Gravid. The only thing more disgusting than the sight of this car is the eerie thought of what it might be carrying. Probably some inbred abomination of a slope-headed, duck-billed, truck-suspended limousine sportscar with a spoiler, sun roof, fins, and flared fender wells over all six all-terrain tires.

And, like a tribble, it will be born pregnant also.

I propose we deep space the lot of them now.

Before there's more of them than us.

Here's j.j's response.

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