Part 3 of 5

Today's Focus: Maynard Jackson

Continuing with the theme of political cave newts, larger-than-life figures, and redclay brains, today we offer another colorful [3] example of typical (alas) Georgia politics.

In the interest of fair play, I offer you the new mayor of Atlanta, a man so large he once hired out as a replacement for the QEII when it was in dry dock.

When Maynard was the mayoral way a few years back, he gave us Gay Day, but no Hetero Day. Not only did this incredible civil rights violation make a lot of people wonder about him, but the ensuing parade doubled the traffic on Peachtree Street ("Lordy, Martha - lookit THAT" "YOU look at that anymore, Wilbur, and I'm LEAVIN you! Wait. Lookit THAT"). He managed to get nearly as many crooked blacks into office as previous administrations had crooked white nepots around. To this day, blacks all over Atlanta look to Maynard as their hero - especially those who wish they were white and related to Mayor Daly in Chicago.

Jackson (the only famous Jackson never to appear in MAD Magazine, no doubt because the paper is too small) intends to address the people issues in Atlanta in the same manner as his predecessor (Andy "call me Abdul" Young) addressed the city itself. One must assume he means to run a bulldozer over all the good people and put up overpriced, gaudy tramps in their place.

Jackson believes that his 4-to-1 victory margin gives him a mandate. This despite the fact that his primary opponent, Hosea Williams, is known for mainly two things. First, he used to work with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr - a Good Thing, but also a Long Time Ago. Secondly, every 3rd day he is busted for DUI, leaving the scene of an accident, or driving his car (while asleep) into a ditch, diner, or vat of grease at the Varisty, which incident is inevitably followed by charges that the police, black, white, and even the pink ones with the long wiggly noses and big flappy ears, are racist.

Sure sounds like a mandate to me. A mandate to move out of Atlanta. Or at least get Guido in here.

At least he put Georgia on the map. Just by being in town, the little star for Georgia's capital on the Texaco map is twice as big as it was...

[3] a dangerous choice of words, no doubt
DISCLAIMER: The above satire may contain look-and-feel of real persons. However, under the Copyright Act, since only a small portion of the LAF was reproduced here for purposes of example, no sweat. My lawyer, if you insist, is Guido Spumoni, but don't get him riled. Trust me.

Read all about it in the Atlanta Constipation/Urinal

Last updated: 30 Apr 1994

Miles O'Neal <> [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] c/o RNN / 1705 Oak Forest Dr / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514