"A steady supply of food being necessary to the health of a free State,
the right to purchase and use nitrogen based fertilizer shall not be
"Let this be the Charter Statement of the National Fertilizer Association,
an organization dedicated to the proposition that it is the God given
right of every American to purchase and use nitrogen based Fertilizer."
"Let this be the Charter Statement of the National Fertilizer Association, an organization dedicated to the proposition that it is the God given right of every American to purchase and use nitrogen based Fertilizer."
Everyone knows that people don't grow bombs^H^H^H^H^Hfood, fertilizers do. And people without NBF would be FAR less likely to inflict bad food upon one another. Why, I'll bet O J would never have been indicted if he hadn't been forced to eat strained beet TV dinners at bomb-point.
We at FCI are holding a politically correct doberman to the president's head until she signs our bill making evil assault fertilizers illegal. We are NOT just talking about nitrogen-based fertilizers, either. We demand the instant removal, production cessation, banning, and outlawing of ALL fertilizers - natural or otherwise.
The newly formed BATF (Bureau of Assaulting The Fertilizers) will be empowered to use politicaly correct, federally endorsed, non-evyl assault machine cannons to enforce this.
Q: How did FCI come about? A: Fertilizer Control, Inc, came about when Vance Foster, a close friend and counsel of the President, stopped to smell the roses in a park in Washington, DC. Nitrogen-based fertilizers leapt up and drilled a hole right through him, in an incredibly uninformed attempt to feed him as they did the roses. His widow, Sarah Foster, decided to start FCI and solicit contributions upon the realization that her ex-husband's life insurance policy had an exclusion for death "as a result of fertilizers and other acts of food growth". President Clinton has vowed to have a fertilizer amendment as part of the next crime act. Her husband is also very outspoken on this issue. Q: Don't politicians create an awful lot of fertilizer? A: Federal, state, and local bureaucrats (and, hopefully, soon, New World Order bureaucrats) are naturally exempt, as they not only have only your best interests at heart, the mere fact that they are willing and able to enter public service places their motivations and actions completely above suspicion, as opposed to the rest of you foolish, anarchical, nasty little thugs. Q: What about my roses? A1: The strong shall survive. A2: If God wants your roses to survive, let God fertilize your roses. [See? We appeal to everyone's beliefs.] Q: What about ``natural fertilizers''? A: We recognize that the average citizen has been manipulated by the Forces of Evyl (Burpee, etc) to believe that fertilizers are not only natural, but a God & Constitution given right, when in reality they are nothing of the sort. Today we are working to stop manmade fertilizers - but after that we will even be after cow poop, dead animals, grass cutting, etc. Q: What is your ultimate goal? A: The elimination (sic) of all sorts of fertilizers and the entire process of fertilization itself. To this end we are working on a Federally Approved nuclear device to sterilize the entire planet once and for all.-Mikhail Debinhex Stalin,
"We know what's best for you. Trust us."
Copyright 1995 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved. Miles O'Neal <roadkills.r.us@XYZZY.gmail.com> [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] c/o RNN / 1705 Oak Forest Dr / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514