Welcome to the
online dentist! You
can't escape us; we're everywhere.
And the best part is,
In Cyberspace noone can hear you scream!!!
We offer a full set of dental health options, none
guaranteed to help your mental health.
How This Thing Works
You (the patient, or ``mark'')
send us your major credit card number along with
one of the following (in preferred order):
You'll hear from us within five (5) minutes.
- longitude & latitude a.k.a. ``ICBM address''
- email address
- phone number & extension
I verify your credit. I start up a system about which
I cannot currently explain much (patent pending, you see).
Via the miracle of modern technology, the magic of the
net, the wonder of gravitic wave transducers, GPS satellites,
and a tad of good, old-fashioned luck, The Machine
extends its receptors/enducers through space-time, and
you are engulfed in the ultimate in network dentistry
as per the picture above of ``you''.
Dental Health Options
[cute dental picture] Bonding
[cute dental picture] Bleaching
[cute dental picture] Nitrous Oxide
[cute dental picture] Emergency Care
Bonding is a restorative process that involves the use of
SuperGlue (TM). The tongue usually is not involved, and
many patients eventually open their mouths again.
Bleaching is a whitening process involving
ingesting Clorox (TM) except in extreme cases,
when ludicrous quantities of X-rays are used
on rare earth coatings bonded
to your teeth.
Nitrous Oxide, or laughing gas, is used to relax the patient
or lower his or her elapsed time in the quarter mile.
Patients occasionally make it home without meeting any
or judges up close and personal.
We feel your pain.
But nowhere near like you do!
Last updated: 7 Nov 94