From the NYT obits page:
(XPI) Recently a report of a bizarre death of a Case Western University student was reported. This paper would now like to retract that obituary; it appears to have been somewhat errant. In fact, the student has been found wandering around in a number of computers on something called an Internet. From time to time, someone logged on to this Internet will suddenly find themselves confronted with a picture of a rabbit or two on their terminal. This has been identified as a virus, but not a harmful one. Inter.pol, the Internet Police, assure us that there is no cause for alarm. If this happens to you, just stick a carrot into the nearest disk drive, game port, or "RS232 jack" (whatever that is). There is no known innoculation, but there is no danger from anything on the Internet, according to an anonymous rabbit who claims to be familiar with the whole situation.
The whole matter of the elevator and the disappearing student is still unresolved, but is probably related to recent Elvis sightings. However, it should be noted that someone (name withheld) claims their roommates turned into southern librarians from hell shortly after the incident occurred. NYPD remains unconcerned.
The owner of the Secret and rabbit turds found at the elevator site has still not stepped forward, and these items will be auctioned off at the next police auction, along with other unclaimed items, such as an unidentified set of dead judges bearing no ID other than the word "houtz" engraved backwards on their foreheads, presumably so that they can be identified when appearing in car mirrors. NYPD remains muddled, but is considering calling in help from Atlanta to arrest innocent women at the airport. Said Sgt. Seth of District 9, "well, it wont help the investigation much, but it will sure help the morale around here!"
Last updated: 14 Jul 1994
Copyright 1988, 1994 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved.
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