Suzanne's Bad Day

Suzanne was having a bad day.

A very bad day.

It began when Suzanne awoke. Someone had broken in during the night. They had stolen Suzanne's alarm clock. She was late.

She went to the shower. The water heater had died. The cold water smelled like sulphur.

Suzanne went to get dressed. Suzanne's cat had used Suzanne's hanging clothes as a scratching post.

Suzanne wore her red jeans and a horrid, paisley blouse an ex-boyfriend had given her for Christmas. They clashed.

Suzanne went to her car. Suzanne had left the window open the previous night. A group of cats had used the car as a litter box.

Suzanne drove to work with the windows open.

As Suzanne pulled into the parking lot at work, her engine exploded. Suzanne escaped just in time to avoid being burnt to a crisp.

Suzanne was, however, showered with brake fluid.

Which also clashed with Suzanne's shirt.

Suzanne got stuck in the elevator.

The emergency elevator crew hadn't bathed in weeks. They all wanted Suzanne's phone number.

When Suzanne tried to send a FAX, her hair got pulled into the feeder. Cindy and Pamela finally cut Suzanne out. Just then the emergency FAX team arrived, smelling of last week's spicy lunch. They wanted Suzanne's phone number.

Suzanne's mail slot contained nothing but subpoenas.

The first bright spot in Suzanne's day was when the pizza arrived on time. It was hot. It was what Suzanne had ordered. An unadvertised special meant Suzanne got it for half price.

The recently-bathed pizza delivery person refused Suzanne's tip, and did not ask for her phone number. Suzanne went to the kitchen for plates and utensils.

When Suzanne got back, Miles had hidden her pizza. Suzanne was not amused.

Ed was calling, asking where the pizza was. Suzanne went to Ed's office. Suzanne did not have the pizza. Ed was not amused. Ed was entertaining a Very Important Client. Ed yelled.

Suzanne had had enough. Suzanne walked out of Ed's office. Suzanne went to Miles' office. Suzanne found the pizza disguised as a Sun workstation. Suzanne replaced it with a NeXT computer.

Suzanne carried the pizza to Ed's office and whacked him on the head with it. Ed thanked her.

Suzanne went to see Ginger. She told Ginger about Suzanne's Bad Day. Ginger transferred Miles to NEXTSTEP Advocate.

Ed did not fire Suzanne. Ed gave Suzanne a raise.

Miles was traded to Mr Gatti's for a new, low-fat, low-calorie Dutch Apple Treat.

Suzanne won a new car that afternoon. The car was delivered to Suzanne's office.

Suzanne made them take it back out to the parking lot.

Suzanne left early and went to the beach, where a gorgeous, charming man took Suzanne water skiing and bought her dinner. The gorgeous, charming man did not ask Suzanne for her phone number.

On Suzanne's way home, a man who had never bathed in his entire life walked up to Suzanne's car at a stoplight and asked for her phone number.

Suzanne gave the man a phone number.

Suzanne did not tell the man it was Miles' number.

Suzanne decided it had not been such a Bad Day after all.

Last updated: 27 June 1996
Copyright 1995 Miles O'Neal, Austin, TX. All rights reserved.

This article may be freely distributed via computer network or other electronic media, or printed out from such media, for personal use only. Any non-personal (ie, commercial) use of this article voids the warranty which prevents my wasting hundreds, if not thousands, of yours and my dollars in lawsuits. Commercial copy permission may be granted if, in the author's sole opinion, other usage of this article is for purposes the author holds near and dear to his heart and/or wallet. For such permission, contact the author via email at [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] or via mail at the address below. Appearing in person at the author's residence during daylight hours for a personal audience is also permitted, provided no weapons are brought along. This notice contains no MSG, sugar, artificial sweeteners, sunlight, air, or other known carcinogenic substances or energy forms.

1705 Oak Forest / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514 / USA

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Miles O'Neal <> [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] c/o RNN / 1705 Oak Forest Dr / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514