If I Was a Spammer

Miles O'Neal

(written around lunchtime, Friday, 12 Jun 1998)

(With apologies to Lee Hays and Pete Seeger)

    If I was a spammer,
    I'd spam ya in the mo-oh-rnin'
    I'd spam ya in the e-eve-nin'
    all over this ne-et
    I'd spam about e-mail
    I'd spam about wo-men
    I'd spam about pyr-amid marketing schemes
    all over this ne-e-et...

    If I was a spammer,
    I'd spam about make money fast
    I'd spam about spammin'
    all over this ne-et
    I'd spam about web-sites
    I'd spam about search en'gines
    I'd spam about any thing I'd get paid for
    all over this ne-e-et...

    If I was a spammer,
    Everyone would ha-ate me
    Even my mother
    Would scream for me he-ead.
    You'd holler to con-gress
    You'd holler to the Pres-ident
    And I'd just laugh and spam some more
    'til someone strangled me...
If you have enjoyed this anti-spam song, please send it to all of your friends, relatives, enemies, customers, suppliers, and anyone else in your address book or other email list. If we do this, together we can destroy spam forever!


If you follow the above instructions, you are a spammer, and the author will hunt you down and force-feed you the parts of a cow or chicken that even fast food restaurants haven't been able to make palatable, paint you pink, and sell you as SPAM[TM].

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Last updated: 05 December 1998

Copyright, 1998, Roadkills-R-Us, Austin, TX. All rights reserved.
SPAM is a trademark of The Hormel Meat Company.

Miles O'Neal <roadkills.r.us@XYZZY.gmail.com> [remove the "XYZZY." to make things work!] c/o RNN / 1705 Oak Forest Dr / Round Rock, TX / 78681-1514