Ohio At a Glance
by Miles O'Neal, Jetlag, Ltd.
I once spent a couple of days in Cinncinnati, which I
thought was a very nice city. My only other exposure was
to people from Cleveland and Akron (perhaps all the chemicals
from the rubber plants explain their behavior), and Andy.
At any rate, Andy has lived in Ohio for years.
Ohio at a Glance
Capital: Cleveland? Akron? Mt Vernon?
Population: About the same
Heartland of the U.S. of A.: yes
Nickname: The Burning River State
Major Industries: pumpkins, wheat, weirdos, burnt water,
Incredibly Minor Industries: music
Educational Ranking: mid pack
Ohio (the Burning River State)
by Andy Whitman
(I couldn't have said it anywhere near as good - Miles)
"Well back in the brief time I lived in Ohio, I remember the rivers catching
on fire if that gives you a hint..."
That's our big claim to fame.
And what do people remember? The river catching on fire.
- Seven presidents
- home of the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
- home state of the first man to orbit the earth and the first man to walk upon the moon
- the birthplace of the tomato
(that's right. It was a Buckeye who first dared to eat the fruit
of the deadly nightshade family)
- the spawning grounds of
- home to the largest Amish population in the world
- the largest state fair in the world
- the most gargantuan university in the world
- the biggest molded butter cow in the world
- possessor of more fast food burger restaurants than the
entire continent of Europe
There's more, of course.
You would think that those kinds of attractions might warrant
some attention -- maybe a national park near the shrine, or
four stars in the AAA book, or something. But
- Like the fact that several major insecticides were developed here.
- And hybrid corn.
- Like the Danville Turkey Festival, where more turkeys are displayed than
any other turkey show in the known universe.
- Like the Circleville
Pumpkin Show, where you can actually buy pumpkin ice cream and
pumpkin burgers, and witness pumpkins the size of mobile homes.
- Like the Our Lady of Perpetual Harvest shrine near Findlay, where
Mary's face miraculously appears on the side of a silo.
We're the state where the river catches fire.
But I know the truth. This is a state of infinite variety --
So enough of this one-dimensional stereotyping.
- not only corn,
- Not only big cities with small town mentalities,
- Not only McDonald's,
Ohio -- it's more than a (burning) river.
Last updated: 12 Oct 1994
Copyright 1994 Andy J. Whitman, Mt. Vernon, OH. All rights reserved.
Free redistribution of this article is allowed so
long as this copyright and the author's name are attached, but
all other uses require the author's permission.
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