7 November, 1995

Mavis K. Fowler, Esq.
Toys-R-Us
461 From Rd.
Paramus, NJ
07652-3524

Re: Your File No. TI95-082

Ms. Fowler:

This has gone on for too long. Toys-R-Us has repeatedly refused to answer my specific questions and objections. All good faith attempts to clarify the situation have been ignored, except for my offer to add a disclaimer to the Roadkills-R-Us web pages (which you referred to as "advertising"), which you rejected for no stated reason. Continued action of this sort on the part of Toys-R-Us will be considered harassment.

I will respond one more time to your absurd demands. I expect you to respond to each of the following points fully and separately, showing any cause for your disagreement.

1. Roadkills-R-Us is purely a work of fiction for entertainment purposes - a satire of a number of things, one of which is the Toys-R-Us name, and the courts have repeatedly upheld the use of satire in such cases.
2. Roadkills-R-Us does not exist as any sort of legal entity, and to the best of my knowledge, there never has been any such legal entity as Roadkills-R-Us. There is no corporation or other type of business associated with the name Roadkills-R-Us - or if there is, I am completely unaware of it and unassociated with it. Furthermore, since there is no company, there are no articles of incorporation, fictitious name certificates, or other legal forms to change. Therefore, Roadkills-R-Us was in compliance with your mandates before you sent them.
3. There is no Roadkills-R-Us building or physical entity, and hence, no sign outside it. Therefore, Roadkills-R-Us was in compliance with your mandates before you sent them.
4. There is no Roadkills-R-Us stationary. Therefore, Roadkills-R-Us was in compliance with your mandates before you sent them.
5. There are no Roadkills-R-Us business cards. Therefore, Roadkills-R-Us was in compliance with your mandates before you sent them.
6. There are no Roadkills-R-Us checks or bank accounts. Therefore, Roadkills-R-Us was in compliance with your mandates before you sent them.
7. There is no Roadkills-R-Us telephone or telephone number, and hence, no telephone directory entry. Therefore, Roadkills-R-Us was in compliance with your mandates before you sent them.
8. There are no Roadkills-R-Us trade directory entries. Therefore, Roadkills-R-Us was in compliance with your mandates before you sent them.
9. As I have stated before, there is almost no "likelihood of confusion" between the name Roadkills-R-Us and any actual business whose name ends in -R-Us. No reasonable person, person capable of reasoning, or even someone who followed the O.J. Simpson trial on national TV as if their own life depended on it, is any more likely to confuse Roadkills-R-Us with any actual business than they, or you, are likely to sprout wings and fly under their, or your, own power.

I request that I have your response to each and every point above within two (2) weeks from November 10, 1995, by which date you should have received this letter.

Sincerely,