Giraffe Panics, Wets Self to Death

Still no response for the neckly-challenged ones. At last I'm beguinning to catch up, and I'll be sure to copy these responses to the Giraffe's horde of coroprate minions!

There is still a huge backlog of responses. These are just the tip of the iceberg. If you haven't already seen them, check out the earlier ones, too. So far, I've only caught up through end of Feb, 1996 - YIKES!

We can't disclose full contest entries yet, but we can let you see a few [more] of the letters of support we have received. Meanwhile, write letters to or call Geoffrey! Alert Ivana Trump! Write Socks the Cat and ask for presidential support!

All opinions expressed belong to their owners. Our opinions about a certain mongo toy chain and its corporate parent are expressed elsewhere!

Remember, you must send the letters to TRU via us, or at least Cc: us on email, if you want to qualify for the contest!

As of recently, I've started leaving the names on most of the messages. Some message only include an Internet address, and I usually don't feel comfortable posting those without explicit permission.

What You've Been Saying

Some of these have been lightly edited purely for spelling, grammar, or strong language. My comments are emphasized just like this text.

Added to page Nov. 29

Toys are what?

wasn't that supposed to be:


But whoo really gives a hoot, if they've got any stores in Aus, they're a long way from here.

Never-Been-There Never-Goin-There

But if U want a Nu Name



have a gif for your background collection

It's on the background of my homepage

I took the pic

I scanned it

Do what you like with it

It's the Australian Brushtail Possum (Trichosurus vulpecula)

If you make a million bucks with it buy me a new Mac 8500 (phone number in home page)

There's lots more, even the occasional genuine Aussie Road-kill

hear it was -32 in Calgary last night, woooo, positive 35 deg C at my place today, not a cloud in the sky, guess Austin TX isn't too cold


Malcolm Abel

This was sent to me from someone who didn't realize I was the RRU guy, they just figured I would appreciate the humor... -Miles Found a great roadkill site at They are presently being hassled by a Toys 'R' Us lawsuit. Seems the bigwigs at Toys doesn't like their name "Roadkill 'R' Us". Can you say *boycott*? Check it out, could come in handy on your very next run, after all, proper roadkill preparation is an art.

(Somebody at this site *has* to ride a hog.)

83deg in S.W. Florida

S.W. Florida (*Not* retired)
76 FLH

I will be brief. The 80's...Family tv...Fox and his sister take iq tests and the scores get mixed up...he says, on prime time tv.."Where'd you get that outfit (referring to her "smart clothes), at BRAINS R US? If tru didn't object to a comercially advertised national tv program poking fun at their tm....doesn't that sound like a precedent to you? Good luck...

Betty St. John

I would like to express my complete and overwhelming support for the Roadkills-R-Us home page. I have VERY little tolerance for bullying tactics on the internet or anywhere else. It seems like the same people responsible for drafting the Communications Decency Act have joined the lawyer team for Toys-R-Us. It takes an extremely small amount of intelligence to determine the difference between a toy store and a humourous site on the net.

Now as to is LAUGHS at it. It is NOT a business or business AFFILIATE.

The trademark for Toys-R-Us should not and does not to my knowledge preclude a humourous *-R-Us web page from being put up. Please cease your bullying and your posturing. It carries very little weight on the internet, and perhaps our boycotting your stores means quite a bit more.

With GREAT disapproval,
Michael G. Haynes

I was laughing my head off !!! Toys R Us [inhales] ! In Denmark they had to join up with another company because they weren't strong enough to enter the market alone.

(hope you understand my note, its not often I write in english)

Jens Gervil

i would just like to say how retarded i feel that TRU management is behaving considering this satirical use of roadkill etc. anyone with any sense of humor would and will understand what the purpose of this type of comedy is and would NOT be offended. some groups just enjoy power and i guess that's the way it will always be. i do not like TRU anyway. have you ever tried to get in and out of one of their 'stores'? thanks for listening ... the BODRICK(squirrel)

Bodrick Wilson

Who : barney@toyzRuz.ORG (Geoff)

This is great --- keep it up.

'nuff said!

Doesn't it make you wonder how people with more stuffing in their heads then in their little animals that they sell, could be so sucessful?

Well, it's time to change that! I will gladly join your boycott of "Idiots R Us" uh, I mean "Toys R Us" TM TM TM. Maybe they'll run out of money to pay their team of lawyers?

I'd like to offer a suggestion...

What if everybody out there in netland goes to their local butcher and buy whatever animal brains they can - let's mail them to the exec's at "Toys R Us" TM TM TM - they sure could use them!

Good Luck RRU!

Laurie Ondrey

Hey Bros,

Tell them beastiality-brained (which is illegal in these United States) [disrespecters of their mothers] that yer name is spelled like it should be & not w/ a backward letter in the middle.

Good luck.

Ride Safe & save me some stew.

[Ron Germic]

My advice- let this go to court! After the jury stops laughing, they'll of course rule in your favor! Seriously, good luck with the Toys "R" Us thing- I myself enjoy this page and wouldn't want it destroyed because of a large stubborn giraffe who is probably in cahoots with a large purple dinosaur...
Michael Falk
What kind of chicken [feces] company are they?

Pure and unadulterated chicken [feces].

Have you ever smelled pure chicken [feces], well it smells like this, foul, fowl, foul...

boycott, you bet, but what else can we do???

how about a no giraffee sign, lilke a no smoking sign, ya know, giraffee, circle around it and line through it.

[We already had one, it just wasn't on the page yet. But it is now. -Miles]

keep up the fight, cause if you let them win one, they'lll never stop

Dave Goodman

Hey Toys-R-Us:

Get a life. I've got a spoiled 2 year old, and she likes toys. If you continue this insane assult on the First Amendment (ever heard of it?) we will not spend dime-one in your store! (by the way, hire some union people while you're at it. Your employees deserve a living wage.)

David C. Anderson

I was reading about your plight against Toys-R-Us and I would like to say that they are completely and utterly off mark on this one. You have siad time and again that this is a satire. But time and again, they have come back like many people, too dumb to listen or too impatient to learn. I just hate it when big corporations think they can do whatever they want and get away with it. I wish they would do something so bad that someone could sue them and shut them down.

Anyway my suggestion for a new name is:

Roadkills Sont Nous
It is Roadkills Are Us in French but I'm not really sure about the copyright infrigment there, but I doubt they could say anything because they don't sound alike and most American business keep thier American names when they go overseas. And plus this name would [annoy] so bad :)

Adam Fistler

I Think that the "giraffe" that you speak of has too big an ego! He should be shot and then Toys"r"us could make money from selling the parts to small Asian countries that will use the giraffe for medicinal purposes. That way they wouldn't have to sue you just to make a lousy buck! And by the way , Isn't the Giraffe an Endangered species? It shouldn't be kept in a small cage at a toy store! it should roam free accross the plains of the Serengeti. Then maybe it will at least be killed by poachers! Don't

[The message ended at this point. I can only assume that Jon was assaulted by hordes of wild, rabid assault lawyers at this point. I wish him well! -Miles]

[From Jon Grant]

I wouldn't change your name just because of the fact! I would even go further to tick TRU off even more. How about another Home page named Toys R [Posteriors]. What can they Really do? And as far as purchasing anything there I Don't, and I think other people should follow so a major chain store can feel the power of the People and the internet. Good Luck!

Grim Reaper

(I don't have email yet, but will tell you as soon as I do)


Found your website and was pleased. It is good to see others spreading the forces of chaos for a change. Also was pleased with the great info you provided. Laughed my [settin' down parts] off.

If you want to really get TRU, simply try for some national media coverage. I'm not talking like underground or net stuff, I mean a national television station or newspaper. Or, better yet, send your info to Howard Stern. I'm sure he would at least get a kick out of it.


[We did, of course, make the AP wire and CNN Headline News, and various newspapers. But you should all feel free to tell Howard Stern, Dave Barry, et al, about TRU's attack. -Miles]

toys R' US [INHALES]!!!!!!!!!!

Alex Ingram

Fight the good fight. Don't allow you know who to stamp out our freedom to explore new levels of taste and recycling.

Ray Stewardson

Hey cat-daddies!

Keep plugging away at corporate America. You have every right to do what you are doing. Please don't stop. We need folks like you to help keep Corp.Am./Gov't as honest as humanly possible.

FYI- check out and you will meet a brother in the fight!

You are loved, appreciated and admired. Let TRU *rot* in their FisherPrice (tm) coffins! I will not purchase anything from them as long as I keep hearing garbage like this.

Take care & have fun,
-Dean... [Dean B. Gebert]

[This is a GREAT idea! Although FP doesn't seem to make little coffins (yet), they would be about the right size for a certain someone's brain! So everyone should feel free to make little miniature coffins with georaffes in them and send them to Paramus, NJ! Tell them Miles said, "Howdy!" -Miles]

Dear everyone at Roadkills-R-Us (without a TM),

There are many creative names you could give your lovely web page. There's no need to fret over a silly little name! For instance:

1. People-who-aren't-named-bob-but-still-enjoy-roadkill

2. Citizens-for-the-endangerment-of-long-necked-mammals

3. Well-dressed-people-who-collect-animal-guts-on-their-car-tires

4. Those-who-enjoy-bringing-lawsuits-against-perfectly-innocent-

5. Fred the web site
Please consider these as possibilities for new names for your web site. I look forward to receiving a dead giraffe in my mailbox...

Scott Gendel

I'll let you know if I can talk my editor into [my doing an article]. We are an AP paper, and everything we do goes out on the wire, so other papers can pick up the story from us.

I've forgotten--do you folks have a phone number for TRU? I'd love to call them, tell them I am a reporter doing a story on this and would like their comments.

all best, Scott

[Scott eventually did talk his editor into the story. And yes, it was all his idea. I hope to get it online eventually. -Miles]

Just left the following in the comments ("Mind Meld") section of the Toys-R-Us site:

Your site is average.
Your dispute over the existence of "Roadkills-R-Us" is silly. Corporations like yours will soon realize that bullying in cyberspace is not as easy as bullying in the lawyer-infested environment with wich you are most familiar. For goodness sakes, grow up!

(Realized after that I should have said "I will boycott your store until such time as the RRU site announces that you have dropped this silliness."...)

Nathan Phillips

Great job. I have linked my homepage to yours, and named it Russell R Us. It's not a great one, but I've been writing HTML for only 26 hours now.

You can see it at:

Feel free to list me as a violator if you wish.

BTW, I'm a TRU stockholder. :-) Make me lose my [gluteous maximus].

[Russell Carswell]

I would simply like to say that I have never visited the ROADKILL-R-Us web site untill i heard what was being done here. Now that I have seen it I will never do business with any company that is foolish enough to believe that it is in any way a danger to their business.

Ken Jones

Letter of Protest:

Geoff, bud, let's talk reality. You can't put speed traps on the infobahn. Since when is good humored satire a crime? Seems that you will be opening up a can of worms with your new definition of trademark infringement. I mean Leno will lose half of his monologue. Dave Berry would be banned. Howard Stern - wait, he probably should be banned.

No joke though, what do you hope to accomplish here? Think of how many people you will alienate? Must we call the ACLU?

Nuff said.

Laura Rabb

By the way, I think it's getting to really [stink] for the people who try to write or say or do what they feel. It's hard to do anything anymore without offending anyone. There's just way too much want for power over everything and everyone, and with all this going on there's no time to have fun and do stuff without getting a hassle over what your doing. I could sit here all day and talk about stuff, and I think you'll be glad that I'm not going to. You have my support for RRU and what it's here for.

Tom Redd, Jr.