*SPLAT*Roadkill Tacos


Roadkill (1/4 - 1/2 lb per person)
lettuce (asparagus will do)
tomatos (preferably with worms intact)
green cheese
Cool Whip, chocolate sprinkles, garlic, etc


Throw roadkill in blender (Waring, Ginsu or Kaldis will do). This is similar to the fragged duck dish so many ex-Vietnam POWs are fond of. Blender should be on ``liquefy'', ``gasify'' or something similar. When roadkill reaches the consistency and color of fresh vomit, pour it into a large metal container full of boiling oil (Nearly any oil will do, altho as a political statement I refuse to use Alaskan beach-washed Exxon). As roadkill foams to a crispy brown, skim off top until entire roadkill is cooked.

Throw remaining ingredients into blender. Set on ``search and destroy''. Drain any leftover contents into garbage pail. Pour fried roadkill bits into freshly-bought taco shells and serve hot.

The customary authentic Mexican version uses iguana. The southern US style uses possum (the stringier the better). For that Tejas barbecue flavor try armadillo. Catfish works well for Catholics on Fridays, and Jews generally will eat the beef or seal.

Use a Mexican for that spicy flavor, or an Indian if you like curry [1]. Californians lend that tangy coconut oil taste. Lawyers and politicians taste like rattlesnake that dried in the buffalo chips too long, but yield more than purely culinary rewards. For similar reasons, liberals are oft used in the south, and conservatives in Boston and California. Texans and Georgians will eat nearly anything, especially if it originated in another country.

-Julia's Child

[1] It is not acceptable to intentionally create your own Mexican, Indian or Californian roadkill. Unless you are in Texas or Georgia. It is always open season on politicians and lawyers. Please do not eat endangered species, such as alligators, raptors, fractals, MIS executives with a clue, Middle Eastern leaders with common sense, or manually wound 110 and 35mm SLRs.

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