The Doublecross of Cortez

The mistakenly named ``Doublecross of Cortez'' - actually a far more rare quadruplecross - was thought for centuries to be lost, perhaps melted into Krugerands by foolish but innocent South American Indians attempting to invest in a future less dominated by white men with guns.

Legend has it that Cortez wore this cross on a gold chain about his neck. If so, he must have been the mother of all no-neck football players, and the chain must have been the size of one of the Battleship Alabama's anchor chains - the Doublecross is larger than some Japanes cars and weighs more than any 3 Sumo wrestlers or Roseanne Barr.

The Doublecross turned up recently inside a roadkilled South American elephant (now extinct, but so is the semi that hit it) which, as fortune (and we mean that sincerely) would have it, was immediately picked up by an RRU crew called out by local police.

The 4cross, true to its name, was detected by an extremely zealous customs agent in Buenos Aries (who still gets queasy remembering just what he did) and immediately became entangled in a sordid affair involving Argentine Customs, the U.S. Deportment of Immigration, the BATF, and Roadkills-R-Us. Most of those involved are now living carefree lives as slaves in Haiti, and we got the cross.

Roadkills-R-Us is a firm believer in culture (just check our Yak-berry Yogurt) and that history is for everyone. So we placed the ``Doublecross of Cortez'' in a hermetically sealed, blast proof, fully alarmed display case in our lobby, where for only $29 per person, you may gaze at it for anywhere up to 5 minutes. Guided tours are available; a generous tip is suggested as some of the guides are in training as Roadkill Creationists.

No, it's not for sale!

``#'' is a trademark of RRU. Patent Applied For. Copyright 1995, RRU, Austin, TX. All rights reserved. All information herein is considered to be a trade secret of RRU. By reading this file, you agree to all terms herein and elsewhere, disclosed or undisclosed. If you are involved in Microsoft Network, you owe us $1,000. If you are in the TRU Legal Department, you owe us $17.35US + aspirin costs and ``mental anguish'' damages.

Last updated: 25 October 2001

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Copyright 1995-2008 Roadkills-R-Us, Austin, TX. All rights preserved, jellied, or jammed. All giraffe images based on an image courtesy of Philip Greenspun. Gratefully used with permission. Roadkills-R-Us and RRU are trademarks of Miles O'Neal <meo@rru.com>. Web space provided by Net Ads.