Roadkills-R-Us

Payment Schedule

All prices per carcass unless otherwise noted. Partial carcasses will be pro-rated based on completeness. A premium is paid for up to 3 days bloat, at 10%/day. Roadkill over 3 days old will not be accepted except by prior, written agreement, with price set at contract time. Where the pelt is valuable, this is included in the price. Animals of less than the age of accountability will be pro-rated down according to size.

Pricing is based on usability, availability, desirability, importance of extermination to society, etc.

Last updated: 11:31:58.277677899 -0600

Classification : Price

A Aardvark : $2.50 Alligator : $1 - $9 Ant : $.10/gross Armadillo : $1.25

B Badger : $.97 - $1.49 Bat, fruit : $.25 Bat, generic : $.10 Bat, vampire : $.40 Bat, wom : $2 - $3 BATF member, Kluless, Waco/BD involvement : $100,000 BATF director, Kluless, Waco/BD involvement : $1,000,000 Beaver : $2.30 - $4.10 Bureaucrat, local : $5/lb Bureaucrat, state : $10/lb Bureaucrat, federal : $25/lb

C Cane Toad : $.10 / dozen (Australia) Cane Toad : $10 / dozen (elsewhere) Cat, small, short hair : $.30 Cat, small, long hair : $.40 Cat, medium (ie, ocelot, panther) : $2 - $5 Cat, large (ie, lion, tiger) : $10 - $20 Cat, in Hat : $99 Catfish, walking : $.99 Chicken Lips : $.015/lip Chicken, std : $.33 Chicken, XL : $333.33 Clinton, White House, adult, male or female : $1,000,000/lb Clinton, White House, Chelsea : [1] $.02 Clinton, brother, goofus, Roger : $37.50 Clinton, Socks : $1000/lb Communists [1] : $3 - $17 Cow : $7 - $15 Coyote : $2 - $5 Cricket, Common : $.20 / gross Cricket, Endangered : $20 / gross Cricket, Jiminy : $20 Crocodile : $1 - $9

D Dawg, UGa, obnoxious : $100 Dawg, UGa, other : [1] Deer, small : $3 - $7.50 Deer, large : $8 - $13 Deer, rein : $2.50 Deer, rein, red nose : $200 Dinosaur, purple, sucrose-laden : $2,000,000,000 Dinosaur, other (large) : $1,000,000 Dinosaur, other (medium) : $100,000 Dinosaur, other (small) : $10,000 Dog, small, short hair : $.35 Dog, small, long hair : $.45 Dog, small, yappy : $40.00 Dog, medium, short hair : $2 - $6 Dog, medium, long hair : $5 - $9 Dog, large (incl. wolf) : $10 - $17 Drunk Driver : $5,000

E Elephant, generic : $25 - $100 Elephant, Babar or Tantor : $300 Elk : $3.50 - $12

F Ferret : $1 - $2 Fish, flying : $1.73 Fish, Mermaid, Little : $173 Flamingo, Pink : $7 Flamingo, Pink, Plastic : $8 [3] Fox : $2.50 - $3 Foxbat, Russian : $10,000,000 Frog : $.25 - $1

G Gates, William : $Name-your-price Giraffe : $99.96/linear neck inch Gnu : $11 GNU fanatic : $27 Goat : $1 - $3 Gopher : $.22 - $.223FMJ

H Hawg : $.25 / pound, or going rate for iron Hedgehog : $5 - $9 Hog : $15 - $25 Horse : $7 - $25

I Iguana : $.25 - $4

J Jackass, animal : $3 - $9 Jackass, human : $12 - $40 Jackass, political : $1,000 Jobs, Steve : $Whatever-Bill-Gates-goes-for / 2

K Kanga : $25 Kimodo dragon : $75 - $125 Kiwi : $4 - $10 Koala : $5 - $20 Krill : $.357/ton

L Lawyer (TRU) : TOP $$$ - CALL!!! Lemur : $12 - $25 Lizard : $.25 - $9 Lizzard : $50

M Manatee : $3 - $17 Marketeer : $10/lb Mole, Dirt : $1.00 Mole, Rock : $7.00 Mole, CIA/KGB/spook : $25 - $75 Mole, White House : [2] Moose, ordinary : $25 - $75 Moose, Capitalist : $12 Moose, Mister : $11 Mouse, Field : $.10 Mouse, House : $.15 Mouse, Mexican, Speedy : $.25 Mouse, Mighty : $.35 Mouse, Misc., Cartoon : $1 Mouse, Mortimer : $12 Mouse, One-Button : $.0001 Mouse, PC, Serial : $.00001 Mouse, Two-Button : $.00015 Mouseketeer [1] : $5

N Newbie, t.b : $25 Newbie, other : $.25 Newt, cave : $.10 Newt, cave, t.b : $.01 Newt, Congressional : $12.92/lb Newt, other : $.12 NeXt, any : $100 [3]

O Octopus : $.07 - $33 Oldbie, t.b : $.0001 Oldbie, other : $.10 Opossum : See Possum. Ox : $4 - $12.50

P Paramecium : $.01/ton Pig, basic, US : $2 - $7 Pig, flying : $200 - $700 Pig, miniature, any : $.50 - $1 Possum : [4]

Q Quail : $.11

R Rabbit, Common : $1 Rabbit, Jack : $.50 Rabbit, Pesky : $3.50 Rabbit, Roger : $35.00 Rabbit, t.b : $350 Rat, Common : $1 Rat, Fink : Ask Guido Rat, Wharf : $50 Reno, Janet : $1,005/lb New, higher price! Roaches : $.03/lb Roadrunner : $10 - $11.70 Roo : $3

S Snake, cobra : $5 Snake, copperhead : $1 Snake, rattle : $1 Snake, other : $.10 SPAM : $0.00 Squirrel, standard : $.20 Squirrel, flying : $.20 Squirrel, flying, Rocky : death penalty Stoat : $7

T Tarantula : $.10 - $.25 Thug, Jack-booted : $100 Tortoise : $3 - $42.50 Turtle : $3 - $42.50

U Unicorn : $3,572.13 Uvulated splut : $75

V Valve, bi : $.002 - $32 Volvo : $20,000

W Whale, exploded by DOT : $.39/lb Whale, other : $3.90/lb Weasel : $10 Wolverine : $7.50

X X, Programmers, Avg : $.10/doz X, Programmers, Top Notch : $75K/yr

Y Yak : $6.75 - $19 Yok : $23

Z Zebra : $5 - $17

[1] Due to endangered species status, these may be worth more if sold live to a zoo.

[2] Don't even think about it - he's ours.

[3] We hates them, my precious, we HATES them!

[4] You'll be sorrryyy... [5] If you inadvertently run over a snail, or find a roadkill snail, please lovingly send the remains to the Vantuyls (Snails-R-Us). You should be able to get their address by emailing snail@inf.net .