Geoffrey Pizza: the Official Recycled Snack Food of the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta!

The Roadkills-R-Us Giraffe'N'Gravel Road Pizza

A famous giraffe is the first Official Roadkill of the Atlanta 96 Summer Olympics. Lawyers in tow, Geoffrey attempted to stop downtown interstate traffic with his bare trademarks. Claiming infringement by all cars whose names or manufacturers names, addresses, or cities of manufacture (or of parts of said vehicles) included any of the letters `T', `O', `Y', `S', `R', or `U', the seemingly rabid giraffe leapt from the North Avenue bridge into 5PM Friday afternoon traffic - right in front of a semi carrying nuclear warheads from the Savannah River Plant - and screamed ``Stop!'' at the top of his lungs.

The driver of the semi, Max Lomichael, said of Geoffrey, "his beady little eyes were wild. Foam flecked his mouth. His fur was unkempt, his horns unpolished, his hooves unshod. The lawyers with him were wearing seedy suits and dresses, all desperately needing dry-cleaning. Looked like typical druggies from the capital. Of course I ran 'em down. I was going to risk dropping a load of nukes for that rabble?"

Buck Private Ynda Yongu of APD slipped us some notes from the Autopsy and Incident Report. "Heavy grease and catsup content of blood agrees with reports they had been to the Varsity, so they were walking dead, anyway...frontal lobes missing altogether, but hyper-enlarged egos present in all subjects...evidence indicates the subjects were reduced purely to stimulus-response, with no capability left for reasoning, or even sensible survival instinct...extreme herd instincts...all subjects from New Jersey...genetic makeup of all subjects id identical...lawyers may have been immature giraffes."

So, with several hundred pounds of giraffe roadkill ground thoroughly into the pavement in the hour or so it took to stop traffic (eventually accomplished by lowering an accident scene from the bridge, causing massive traffic pile up by rubber-neckers), we just dug up the whole section of road, ran it through a component fragmentizer (jury-rigged from a handy cement mixer), and baked the pizzas right on the steaming hot hoods of the I-75/85 parking lot.

The pizza has been frozen, and will be doled out by lottery, 75% to Olympic athletes, 20% to support personnel, and 5% to visitors from New Jersey.

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